how?

i've been failing at life lately.  ok, so i'm being a bit dramatic (who, me?!?), but i'm starting to feel again like i'm spreading myself too thin, not giving every part of my life 100 percent, or at least the most i can.  i felt like this when i'd gone back to work and was kind of a wreck.  and when molly went off to nursing school and we didn't get her twice a week to baby-sit/clean/be around anymore.. (i'm seriously being dramatic, she's closer now than she was, although way busier.)  the boys are in school twice a week for 5-6 hours each day, and i have someone come clean the house every other week.  i'm looking at this, thinking i shouldn't be complaining.  then again, this is my space and i need to vent.  i don't know if part of the problem is bryan's irregular schedule, so some days i can count on him being here the whole day, some days i can't??  i tried a long time ago to pretend like i'm a single mom, so i get used to never counting on him, then when he's around, it's a pleasant surprise.  well, that didn't work- i think with twins, it's imperative that we're a team and it ends up that i severely lack when he's not around to help.  (all this time, tiffany + the triplets are in the back of my head, with her husband traveling 4 days out of the week.)

maybe the point of this is to know how other moms do it.  i don't even cook!  how other moms, many who have more children than i do, more activities than i/we, manage their houses, husband's lives, kid's lives, cook, clean, etcetera and manage not to get seriously depressed.  i'm not seriously depressed, believe me, and i'm extremely grateful to be able to stay home with the boys, i just don't know how it's done.  maybe they put on brave faces and are falling apart behind the facade, or maybe there's a secret.  my mom told me last night i needed to try to like red wine.  maybe she's onto something...