stork bites

it's christmas eve and i'm starting to get a little anxious about the next couple of days.  i think normal moms probably look at this time (their babies' first birthday) in their baby's life and have mixed emotions, but of course, these moms didn't go into premature labor the day after christmas and have their 32 week twins approximately 4 weeks early.  once i got over the initial shock of them being here already, i was overwhelmed with guilt.  why do we feel guilty?  what is it?!  why can't we just let it go?!?!?  i have no idea.  i look at my two baby boys, who will turn one in 2 days, and there are no signs of prematurity.  they only spent two and a half weeks in the NICU, just needing time to learn how to eat.  in the beginning, they were on the low side of the adjusted growth curve, but now average non-adjusted.  they do all the normal things one year olds should be doing, and of course as their parents, we think they're little geniuses!!  and as many times as i've had moments of guilt over the past year with bryan or my mom or whomever, and i've been told : it's not your fault, you had 8 pounds 11 ounces of baby in there, stop blaming yourself, they're perfect, you had no control over it : i cannot help it.  so as with my infertility, i'm trying to adopt the mindset of letting go, of accepting the fact that it's no use living in the past, and that we're just going to have to deal with the fact that they were born on probably one of the worst days of the year (maybe besides leap day?) to have a birthday.  even though people who share that birthday can't wait to tell me how much it's sucked.  thanks a lot.

so here i go: oooommmm...
letting. it. go.