36 weeks... getting there!

yes, i could have smiled... i'm sorry, the baby has all of my brain power and apparently, it was too hard to take a decent picture and look halfway decent at the same time. better luck next time.  

at this point, the doctor said he isn't going to stop me if i go into labor, so it's all very up in the air.  so much so that a repeat c-section is sounding more and more appealing all the time.  it's very odd, not knowing when.  and the fact that bryan works the craziest hours and it isn't exactly easy for him to leave (or not sleep after a night shift) makes a scheduled event seem like the way to go.  but i can't do it.  for six years, i taught women how to deliver a baby- i should be able to do this myself.  we shall see...

32 weeks!

(i know, the position of my arm is awkward, but it looked gigantic at my side)

(i know, i have issues)

despite what people think, i still have a little less than a couple of months to go!  on a side note, it's 2012, people.  haven't we learned that it isn't okay to comment on the size of a pregnant belly?!  jeesh...  it really isn't offending me, i promise, i have a good amount of experience with pregnant bellies and don't feel at all like mine is enormous.  it's making the rest of my body feel about 85 years old, but that's just not anything anyone wants to read about.

32 weeks, a wonderfully active baby, two equally active 3 year-olds, and a waddle that would fit me right in with march of the penguins.  life is good.

24 weeks!

here we are at 24 weeks!  we are viable, something that's probably only a big deal to former labor and delivery nurses.  i mean, it's a big deal to every mama, but maybe they aren't as aware...  ok let's face it, anyone who isn't a labor nurse just isn't as cool.  moving on.  i haven't really talked a lot about this little guy, mostly because my other little guys kind of require more attention at the moment.  there isn't much to say, except i love just having one in there! is that obvious? but actually, this is a harder pregnancy in terms of what my body is feeling.  lower back pain, lower pelvic pain (like debilitating), shortness of breath all the time, even though i don't feel like he's sitting that high, etc.  but he is so active, almost all of the time, especially in the evening.  because of that, i feel like i'm bonding more with him than i did with the boys.  i can't fully explain it, but with them, i had to figure out which one it was moving and i really wasn't always 100%, so for some reason, i feel like i wasn't able to connect as well with them.  obviously, it all changes once they're born, but this time around, i'm happy to be able to focus all on him.  him, who we're calling chester because liam told my mom he wanted his name to be sister and she thought he said chester.  my sister-in-law is due a week before me and they're calling her little one homer, so i think homer and chester go very well together.  

next up, painting the nursery and getting it ready. i'm planning on getting my DIY hands dirty, so i'll try and post some of those projects here.  maybe some watercolor, maybe some graphic prints on the computer, and definitely a felt circle garland to hang.  no theme, but lots of color!  right now, we're planning on light gray walls, and navy blue, kelly green, and orange and yellow accents - we'll see if it all comes together!

an update...

sorry it's been a bit, but we managed to break our laptop with wireless capabilities on it, so i haven't had a chance to get on here...  luckily, my sister em came by and saved me by letting me borrow hers.  so the last you all read was that i was off everything and there was a good chance i was going to go home.  yeeeaaah, not exactly what happened, but at least this post isn't one introducing our little ones!  we're still here, because as soon as the mag was out of my system, my body decided it wasn't quite ready to go home yet.  i started contracting again, and i got a medicine called terbutaline to help stop them.  and it worked wonderfully, even though it made me feel like poo in the process.  but that was ok, the contractions stopped.  so that was wednesday night, i needed that med again thursday morning, then again thursday night.  the thing about re-medicating me like that, even though it works, is that it can increase the risk of complications to ME, such as pulmonary edema.  at this point, i'm thinking, so?, who the hell cares? it works, just keep giving it to me until i start having trouble breathing, then we'll cross that bridge!  yeah, doesn't work like that, i guess... :)  but luckily, although i thought i was starting up again friday morning, it stopped and i haven't had any pattern of contractions since thursday night.  yea!  so my doctor's not back until monday, and not any of his partners that will round on me today or sunday can make the decision to send me home.  and although i'm a little bit hesitant to do that, just because it's comforting being here just in case something happens, it really would be better for me to be home...  i just have to behave and continue NOT DOING ANYTHING for the next couple of days and then maybe he'll think about it.  we'll see, we just have to wait and see...  so maybe now stay tuned for updates from my bed at home, and keep your fingers crossed that my doctor's feeling particularly santa claus-y... :)

was i really that bad of a nurse before?

WARNING: this is gonna be a long one...

so apparently, i needed more empathy towards my patients... in addition to having to go through fertility treatments to get these babies, i've now also added to my list: end up in the hospital dilated to 3cm and have to be on mag! yea!!!! however, i have to admit, it hasn't really been that bad... well, except two things: Foley catheters are the devil, and 3 grams of mag is kind of not for me. at all. tiff, you know when i admitted you, gave you 2 or 3 gms/hr (i can't remember), gave you an ambien, and steinke was a little concerned in the morning? yeah, i think mighta been there yesterday... i'll start at the beginning: we had our showers this weekend (see previous post), so much fun, maybe too much excitement, but nonetheless, smashing good times. we went in on monday for our first non-stress test, which went really well- the babies looked really good, she found them immediately, they stayed on for 15 minutes, both had really good variability and accels, and my uterus was only a tad irritable... ok, i can handle that. so then i wait and have an appt. with my doctor. everything was going really well... until he checked me. (it's like that song, and then he kissed me... :)). so i wasn't still 2/thick/ballotable, i was 3/70/-2!! not cool, seriously, NOT. COOL. as i thought he might say, he asked if i could go straight to the hospital to be observed for 24 hrs, and get steroids on board to help out babies' lungs... sure i could do that, at this point, i really was not contracting that much, so we talked about what the plan would be and it didn't really involve anything like mag or any sort of meds to stop labor- because i really wasn't showing signs of being in labor- except my cervix slowly opening without it being ok to do so... well, i'm a little dramatic at times (what, me?!?), so i kind of got myself worked up about the possibility of these babies coming at one day shy of 30 weeks, bryan was very quiet, so i knew he was working himself up in his own way (which didn't help my state of calm), and as soon as i hit the friggin' hospital bed, i started bangin' 'em out! seriously, usually it's the opposite! but anyway, the plan of care changed ever so slightly to now include a full admission, IV, and the wonderful magnesium sulfate. :) the perinatologist came in to consult, and he said he had to be the bad guy, just because when i'm already dilated 3 cm, and i have twins, there's just not a whole bunch of wiggle room til there's no stopping these babies from coming. and i didn't care at that point, of course, do whatever you have to... but he also scanned me, said the babies looked great, good fluid, good movement, didn't try to figure out what they were, both measuring 30 weeks, with heads measuring 33!!! yeah, i know, a little much :)... they're their father's children. :) so anyway, we started the mag- 4 gm bolus, 2 gm/hr, and that was fine. once that had been going for a bit, dr. finley (the perinatologist) popped his head back in to ask if i was ok with a foley cath... and i was, just because i was getting up A LOT to go to the bathroom with all the fluids... and i didn't know how i'd react once my mag level was a little higher... yeah, let's just say that was hell. absolute hell. it was in for about 25 minutes before i made the nurse call the doc on call and ask if we could take it out... my conclusion is that i have a small urethra. so that was ok, and it was out before it had even been in for a half an hour... big surprise, lily being a difficult patient. but i was still able to get up to the bathroom, so it was fine with my doc that i did that. however, i didn't stop contracting- probably didn't help that all the docs that came in to see me through the course of my admission (3 in all) all prepared me for delivery that night. i know they have to do that, i've seen it a million times, but not fun to be on the receiving end of things... so i kept contracting and they ended up bumping me to 3 gm/hr. fine all night, still getting up to the bathroom with bryan's help, not sleeping well, but that was the least of my concerns. 730 the next morning rolls around and wow, did it hit! look up the word gorked in the dictionary, i was it. head felt like it was 300 pounds, couldn't keep my eyes open, double blurry vision, the works. but my biggest fear was that i was going to get super nauseous, and i managed to avoid that. and my mag level was only 6.6- mallard-warren would have been like, turn her up!, she's not therapeutic yet!! my doc came in to round at about 9:30 and had my nurse turn it down to 2.5 b/c the majority of the contractions had gone away- this was good. i almost immediately felt better, more with it, and she eventually was able to turn me down to 2! then i was back to my normal self- bryan said when he looked at me, it was like there was someone there again... :) plus, i stopped contracting! so fast forward through the night of no contractions, much better sleep, etc., to my wonderful doc coming in to round this morning- i was expecting this: let's keep the mag on for 24 hours after your last dose of steroids, and then we'll start to wean you off of it... what i got was: what do you think about stopping it? um, yeah! so we go from weaning to stopping it this morning, saline-locking my IV, taking me off continuous monitoring, and giving me the possibility of going home in the next couple of days!!!!! yea!!!!!!!!!! so i have to drink, drink, drink water, and my uterus has to behave today, but i might be able to return to semi-normalcy... :) and i might have to miss some christmas festivities, but if it means we can make it to at least 34 weeks with these babies, I DON'T CARE. 36 wouldn't be bad, either :)... so i've had the experience, and it really wasn't that bad, but i definitely have become a little more empathetic towards all my future patients... stay tuned for lots of updates via my bed at home! :)

two showers for two babies!!

wow, i'm still reeling a bit from all the excitement this weekend...  we had 2 showers, one on saturday and one on sunday- the one on saturday was given by my best friends from nursing school, kari and kelli, and the one on sunday by two of my closest friends from high school, jen and tara. they were both so much fun, and we really cleaned up!! :) great friends, great food, great gifts, and lots of laughter...  here are some pics from the saturday shower... i'm a horrible person, i forgot the camera on sunday... enjoy!!

~the set up in my dining room- could that wrapping paper BE any more perfect?!?~

~kel, me, and kari- they insisted on the hands on my belly~

~me, my mama, my sister molly, my grandma keck, and my older sister kate~

~the stork women: michelle, me, lisa, and kathy~

fun times had by all- i just wish all of my favorite california people could have been there to share... i really miss you girls!!! :):)

good news!!

as i believed it would be, because i've been VERY good about staying down these past 5 days, my cervix has not dilated anymore!!!! yea!!! so although it's not the greatest thing in the world, i'm only 2cm and have orders to keep doing what i'm doing and to "flood myself with water"...  i hate it, he knows i hate it, but it really does make a difference in how active my uterus is.  so i guess these babies heard auntie mel's threat from across the country and decided to behave.  right now, they're saying- hey it wasn't us, it was mom's ute!!!! :) this means no holiday shopping for me, though.  you can all imagine how disappointed i was to hear that... i wish there was a way to convey sarcasm, because that's the greatest news in the world!!!! :):) so everyone, keep your fingers crossed and keep thinking positively that we're making it to the end of january!!!!

we gotta have more cowbell!

i hope the title makes sense to everyone who's reading this.  if not, stop right now, go directly to www.youtube.com, and search christopher walken snl cowbell... you are then allowed to come back and resume being my friend. :) so this morning was our 28 week appointment.  we went first to the ultrasound, where everything was, as usual, perfect! these babies continue to amaze us both! they're both 2 pounds 8 ounces and are measuring right on with their gestational age.  they never stop moving, which is so awesome, except when it involves really hard kicks/punches to my bladder... then it's only marginally fun. :) chuck was still vertex and ned was still breech, so we'll see what happens with that... chuck was kind of turned away, so she couldn't get a good look at him/her- usually when we need babies to wake up or move, we use the accoustic stimulator- buzzes babies back to life, or it's supposed to... well, apparently, that's not what they use here :)  they use a cowbell! yeah, i'm not kidding- it was seriously hilarious to see her shaking this cowbell right ON my stomach to try to get chuck to turn!!! hence, the title of the post :)... so it was kind of a quick scan, because i guess as they get bigger, they're too scrunched in there to get good looks at them... so then we had our time with the doc, who i continue to fall more and more in love with every time i see him :)... ok, yeah, i'm exaggerating, but he really is great.  so everything was good with me, good weight gain, clean urine (and by clean, i mean no protein or glucose spillage- ha ha)... we talked about C/S vs. vaginal deliveries again (as we probably will at every appt until i deliver because i can't make up my mind), good fetal movement, small talk, measured my uterus, which is at 39 weeks!!!, listened to both babes, more small talk... and then he checked my cervix.  this is where my bubble bursts.  i'm dilated to 2 cm. not cool, cervix, not cool.  he told me that and my instant reply was, bullshit.  and then immediately following that, i'm really sorry for that... oops.  so yeah, i'm dilated and not very happy about it :(... what this means: he didn't officially put me on bedrest, but took me off of work, and basically told me i needed to sit/lie down as much as possible. i am allowed to go to thanksgiving tomorrow, but i'm not allowed to participate in our tradition of going down to the Plaza (a fancier and bigger fig garden village), and watching them turn on the christmas lights for the season.  it's a big thing in kc, and i had really been looking forward to that because i hadn't been here for it the last few years... it's one of my favorite things that kicks off the christmas season (my favorite time of the year, especially since we're somewhere now where snow is a possibility), but like my mom said, nothing's worth having these babies come early.  which i understand. and i'm not going to be one of those defiant patients.  so i'm not going to be doing much for the next couple months except going to the doctor all the time and getting non-stress tests... the good thing about it all is that i'm not contracting, not really having that many braxton-hicks (fake ones), my cervix is thick and little chuck is still ballotable (his/her head is not low down enough to be engaged in my pelvis and is still able to be pushed back up into my uterus)... we're a little scared here at the stork house, but i think once it's set in, we're going to be fine, and we'll make it as far as we need to go for these babies to be healthy.  AND there's still procardia (ew), terb (ew-er), and mag (ew-est) if we need it... i just hope we don't need it... i hope you are all well and stay tuned for a couple of pics of the little ones- and my ginormous belly... or as my clever brother calls it- 2001 space odyssey... :)

what if i have two boys?!?!?

so in my endless hours of parusing the internet in search of "baby stuff", i often find myself looking at baby clothes/shoes/paraphernalia... it used to be maternity clothes (those of you at work who would catch me asking me, are you, are you!??!), but i'm kind over being excited about those and i've moved on to much much cuter things.  such as these mary janes:

of course, i looked at them several times before asking bryan if it was okay if we could buy them.  we haven't really bought a lot of clothes, just because i'm kinda picky (go figure) about what clothes i like and all the unisex stuff i've found is not up to par :).   i couldn't resist these, though.  so of course, bryan wasn't going to tell me no because he's great, and i bought them.  the first thing my mom says, what if you have two boys?!? well, then, they'll either stay in the closet until the boys get a sister, or they'll become a gift for someone else's baby.  but i had to have them.  so here's hoping i have at least one little one in there that i don't have to dress in drag just to wear these. :)

not for the faint of heart...

so they're a little blurry, but you get the idea... sorry if it's a bit graphic- i guess my brother never looks at this, so i don't really have to worry about anyone getting grossed out- i think the majority of you all have either been here yourselves, see it on a regular basis, or can simply stomach a giant vein-y belly... here we are at 24 weeks and 1 day!

they never cease to amaze...

well, we had our 24 week appointment this morning and... lots of things!  we'll start with breakfast: a small bottle of very sweet orange soda.  go figure, i liked it! :)  i couldn't eat anything else, so i welcomed something- believe me, i could've had to eat a lot worse... so we stocked up on almonds, and apple and granola bar and went in.  it's nice, they have the result of the test by the time i saw the doc and... NO GESTATIONAL DIABETES!!!! yay!!!  so that was good to know.  then came the ultrasound- we told the tech we didn't want to know, as we have to every time- and because i had maybe seen something last time on chuck (baby A), i really was hesitant to look even when she told me it was ok.  but of course, it's totally impossible not to and we ended up getting some really good pictures.  these babies are just amazing!  last appointment, they were both vertex (head down), this time, chuck had stayed put and ned decided to be breech.  i go back and forth between wanting to deliver vaginally and by c-section, i'm currently in a c-section phase, so that was ok that ned was breech.  but we'll just have to see what they are when the time comes.  she did all the measurements and everything was right on schedule- they both have legs that are measuring about a week ahead- and we've all seen their noses, so based on these two things, we know they are definitely storks :)...  they both weigh (according to the scan, which she said can be up to a half of a pound off either way) 1 pound and 10 ounces! exactly the same :).  their heart rates were both 153 at the second she was measuring, but by the time my doctor listened to them, chuck was 140s and ned was 160s.  and super super active- maybe the sugar rush had something to do with that... :)  

as for mama, i'm doing well- i had a little protein in my urine, but that was probably because i hadn't had any water to drink, i've gained 8 pounds, so 19 pounds altogether, blood pressure's good (120/80- which i never trust when they give me that exact number, but at least it's not higher).  they had drawn an H&H w/my glucose and i guess i'm still borderline with my hematocrit- he didn't tell me what my hemoglobin was (bryan said some docs are hemoglobin docs and some are hematocrit docs, so he must be the latter), but he does still want me to keep taking my iron.  my uterus, according to him, is measuring 34 weeks! but bryan and i both think he's aiming a little too high on my belly- i don't ever think he's wrong about anything, but i feel the top of my uterus and from where he was, i think he's about 2cm off and we're measuring about 32 weeks.  and of course, he said that was ok. as for the final part of my appt., he checked my cervix and closed and thick, baby!!  he did say it was anterior, which i would rather it be posterior, but he said it was fine- he does say everything is fine, but i trust him and i know what's going on, so we're good.  

okay, okay, baby pictures!!! :):)

so as you can see, pretty perfect! stay tuned- i promise, later tonight, we will have some belly pictures up! hope you're all good! :):)

two perfect little babes!

well, we had our 20 week ultrasound today- technically, i'm 20w1day, but who's counting? :) bryan was able to go w/me this time (mom went last time b/c he had to work), so he was chomping at the bit because he hadn't seen them in 2 whole months!!! i had to tell him, just wait until we only have one in there- we don't get this many :)... with my previous ultrasounds, i hadn't been feeling the babies move yet, so i would get a little nervous right before the scan and then they would be alright. but this time, i've been feeling them for almost a month now, and i cheated and listened to them at work the other night, so i wasn't nervous, i knew they were good.  better than good- turns out they're perfect!  don't worry, i'm not going to be one of THOSE moms, but i still can't get over how amazing it is that these little beings just know what to do and how to develop- that sounds funny, but their hearts are beating, they're swallowing, their brains are all complete and i am just blown away! and talk about active!  we could see the membrane between them and it never stopped moving because they never stopped- and they totally egg each other on, which we love... :)  and my doc said he doesn't know what they are, it won't say anywhere in the chart, but he did say that the tech knows (obviously).  bryan and i both thought we saw a little something on chuck, so we just get to wonder until they get here...  it's going to get to the point that i'm not going to look at all, because once i'm looking at the screen, i'm looking for something.  i know, i'm bad. i can't help it! it's good bryan's there because he's good at not trying to figure it out... as for me, i'm doing well- my uterus is already measuring 28 weeks!!!!, pressure's good, weight gain is good (my backside hasn't started to widen yet!!), and since i have twins (and all i pretty much eat is some form of sugar), there's a bigger risk of me having gestational diabetes, so i get to take my test early- at the end of the month, which will be 24 weeks.  oh, well, at least i'm not nauseous trying to do it, and orange soda's my favorite, i'll just try and pretend it's that :)   so i thought we got better pictures last time with a different tech, but these two are pretty good.  the rest are on the floppy disc, so i'll post them as soon as i can get out to my parents and check them out.  here are chuck and ned, looking great at 20 weeks and 1 day!!

and the reason for all the waddling...

so here are chuck, ned, and big mama at 18 weeks and 1 day!!  i should know the answer to this question, but how big is this for a singleton pregnancy?  i'm just trying to get a good estimate as to how huge i'm going to be...  i know, it won't be pretty :).  

we're all doing very well, they are both moving in there (bryan can't stand that he can't feel it yet, even though every single night, we lie very still with his hand on my belly for 5 to 10 minutes before he realizes this won't be the night :().  i actually think i felt chuck (baby A) move first right when i was 16 weeks- a very deliberate sort of punch very low- and every time i sit and don't have good posture, she (no, i don't know if it's a she) lets me know- hello up there- you're kind of scrunching an already scrunched up kiddo down here :)... the next morning, right after i woke up, i felt ned kind of maybe roll over- a very light flutter.  it's like they seriously have already established their personalities- still definitely going along w/the ones we saw early on- chuck being her mother's daughter- moving a lot, not staying still for the ultrasound tech, being upside-down, high energy, and ned- his father's son, relaxed, actually looked like he was lying in a hammock, and movements that indicate only his rolling over in the middle of his nap. :) it'll be interesting to see if this carries out once they're no longer in utero.  we went to see les miserables last night at an outdoor theater in one of kc's parks (perfect weather, awesome production) and they moved more in that 3 hours than i've felt ever, i think... hopefully, they love music as much as their parents!

one more thing, we've booked our tickets out to cali!!! we're flying into reno on sunday the 12th (and don't get me started on how friggin' expensive flying anywhere was), then i'm renting a car and driving down to fresno on monday and staying until wednesday night or early thursday morning.  YEA!!! so like i said, i hope to see all of you- i can't wait!!!  i'll be full on penguin by then! :) waddle, waddle, quack, quack...

is it too soon to waddle?

so as i've finally adjusted to actual size of my growing belly and stopped subconsciously sucking it in, i've noticed that i look like a penguin when i walk.  we went to dinner last night (i'm so thrilled to be able to say we went out to eat and i didn't have any issues!!!!!) in part of kansas city called westport.  we've been looking for sushi (for bryan, filet teriyaki and tempura for me :)) and haven't been so lucky.  1 point for fresno!!  apparently, it's not so easy to get fresh fish in the middle of the country.  but it is easy to avoid things like earthquakes and hurricanes... i'm sorry, i digress.  so a couple months ago, my sister and her husband sean were here visiting and went to get sushi with one of kate's nursing school friends at a place in westport.  kate and sean definitely know good sushi, so we went there last night.  sorry, i'm really rambling... anyway, westport has a lot of shops, restaurants, bars, etc., all w/big glass windows in the front.  as we're walking back from eating (yummy sushi- yea!!), i look over at my reflection... seriously?!?!??! that's what i look like? why didn't anyone tell me? i know i have twins and i'm growing twice as fast as one normally would, so it's all kind of been an adjustment.  i guess in every sense of the word.  i guess i don't waddle all the time, but if i've been sitting for an extended period of time (eating, charting, etc.), when i get up, i have to adjust everything to make it comfortable to walk, which translates into waddling.  it was probably worse last night, because we had just eaten.  i am definitely appreciating that it's making everything (except my boobs- holy cow!) look smaller. :) my wonderful mother said the other day, it's the only time you'll enjoy the size of your rear end... :) again, thanks mom.  but i have realized i can't deny my blossoming (ha ha!) shape any longer...

pictures, pictures!!

chuck

ned

so i had a little fun with photoshop (i'm learning!) so i could label what you were seeing... i know, most of us can tell, but just in case :).  i had my 16 week appointment yesterday and everything went really well.  mama's doing well, and more importantly, the babies look really good.  she said the more extensive look at their anatomy would come at the 20 week scan, but she could see quite a bit on both of them and there are no apparent problems- their brains look complete, couldn't quite visualize all 4 chambers in their hearts, their stomachs were full, so no fistulas, she saw cord insertion on both, so their insides are on the inside, and all their measurements are right along with 16 weeks!!  chuck is measuring 164 grams, while ned is right behind at 163 grams. which both come out to 5 ounches, they're little avocado-sized buddies.  mmm, i miss california produce.  speaking of, i'm hoping that i've reached the point where i'm finally getting my appetite back- i had a good day yesterday, so i'm crossing my fingers.  and it's funny, the following picture is a week after the other one, but besides my chest not looking as smashed down, i don't think it looks that much bigger.  but it is, i promise.  observe:

at least my bum doesn't stick out so much :).  well, i think that's it for now... it's cold and rainy today (59 degrees!!), so i think i'm going to stay in my pj's for a little while longer... miss you all so much!!

chuck and ned

so there's this show called pushing daisies that i got hooked on last year.  it's about this guy (ned) who can bring dead things back to life by touching them- all dead things: flowers, fruit, people, dogs, etc.  the catch is that once he's brought a dead thing back to life, he can't touch it again or it will be dead for good.  i know, it sounds weird.  so he brings the love of his life (charlotte, who goes by chuck) back to life (?) after she was accidentally killed, except now they can't touch at all or she'll be a goner.  so sad... in his car, he has a clear plastic partition that allows them to see each other and pretend like they're holding hands, but to not actually touch.  so bryan and i were talking about the babies the other night and he said, hey, they're like chuck and ned- they're really close, but they're separated by their membranes and can't actually touch!!  so the whole point of this pointless story is that we've moved on from calling them baby A and baby B to calling baby A chuck and baby B ned.  we think chuck's the girl anyway, so it kinda works out.  i just hope ned turns out to be a boy, or a girl who's been called ned might have issues.  i hope you all found this as amusing as i did- i understand if you don't... :) pictures of them very soon!

okay, okay!!

so originally, i was planning on doing a belly picture every 4 weeks and having it correspond with my ultrasounds.  well, apparently, that wasn't good enough.  i've had several requests for weekly pictures and  i am happy to comply.  it's funny, i had bryan take this picture about 7 different times before i realized that i can't do anything differently to keep my bum from sticking out.  glenae would appreciate this post :).  i kept telling him, no we have to do it again and i'll pull my hips in a little more forward this time.  that just looked like i was really trying to stick my belly out.  so finally, no exaggeration on my belly or bum sticking out: this is my babies and me at 15 weeks and 1 day!!

and looking at it again, it really does stick out!! man, i really should have learned to booty-shake when i was younger! stay tuned for next week, when i'll have belly pics AND baby pics!! i'm really trying to convince myself that i DON'T want to find out what these little ones are.  i don't even want to type that, because i know so many of you will tell me, yes, find out! but i really don't want to, i'm just afraid i'm going to try to figure it out. hopefully, they'll both have their legs crossed and it will be impossible, even for the trained eye.  no, tiff and mel, i am not finding out! that is that.

the dancing queen

so just a quick post today: as many of you know, i love music and require it for most of my daily activities.  washing dishes, working on the computer, getting ready in the morning, etc.  so this morning was no different, bryan went to work and i had some errands to run.  we just got one of those sets of speakers that you can plug your iPod into, specifically for upstairs (we have an upstairs now!!!) because my computer is downstairs and the music can't travel that far, especially when i'm in the shower.  i know, i'm rambling.  so i turn on my iPod, take a shower, proceed to get ready, and completely make a fool of myself while doing it... i was alone, who cares?  dancing queen by ABBA came on (one of my favorites) and i was dancing in the bathroom, grateful to have the energy and the absence of nausea to do so.  and i had a thought:  in about 5 or 6 (hopefully just about 5 :)) months, we get two babies who, maybe not right at first, but after they're old enough to hold their heads up, we get to dance with!!!!!!!!!! or i get to dance with and bryan gets to move around like a white boy with... :) i can't wait to dance with my babies!  and i promise, more belly pics in the next couple of days :).

did i really make it?

okay, i don't want to speak too soon, because just my luck, my ickiness will come back and bite me in the arse, but i think i might be on the road to feeling better.  if there was a way to convey that i was whispering that as if noone could hear me, i would type it like that.  but yesterday, my little ones and i became 14 weeks!!!!!!!!!  yea for second trimester!!!  and the day before, i had gone to see an acupuncturist (for my nausea/vomiting and general aches and pains).  i saw him a couple times last summer when we were still "trying" and he's very typical, i guess, for their culture.  he doesn't really beat around the bush, just tells it like it is.  which i definitely appreciate, usually being the same way myself, but not always do i agree.  those of you who read my infertility blog remember how he said, more or less, that i was overweight, depressed and sexually frustrated.  :) but this time, i told him when i booked the appt. that i was pregnant, so he knew when i walked in.  and proceeded to say, you looka vedy tiuhd.   very tired. :)  thanks, how much do i owe you?  anyway, so he did some points to give me energy and also some herbs to take to help with the nausea and vomiting.  i've taken those for the past two days, and i don't know if it's the pills, the acupuncture, the fact that i'm 14 weeks and finally i'm getting a break, but i don't really care: i feel better.  and i'm not going to go on about it b/c i don't want to jinx anything. :)  so please cross your fingers that it lasts and that my future posts are filled with optimism and pictures of expanding bellies and little babies!!!!!!

when will i feel better?

i'm really trying not to feel sorry for myself today, but it's been kinda rough.  i keep telling myself to be grateful and not to complain (my family and husband would laugh at that), but for these next few short minutes, i'm ditching that.   i am so sick and tired of eating.  it was pretty much one of my favorite things to do before these babes, and i can't even stand the thought of it now.  i can't tell you how many times i eat and 15 minutes later, i have to eat something again.  laura told me when i was still in fresno that she felt like her baby was not really a baby, just a leech.  to be honest, i thought that was a little mean, but i've come around to the idea and agreed.  i think i made the mistake at 6 weeks to think that how i was feeling then was going to be how i was going to feel for the rest of my first trimester, but oh no, not the case at all.  and it differs every single day. every single minute!  i can wake up two different days, eat the exact same thing, and on one day, be totally fine and the next, throw up everything until about 3 in the afternoon... what is that?!  i don't know, but i'm 13 weeks tomorrow and i'm ready for this part to be over.  my poor husband is having a hard time- i don't know if it's because from week 6-9 he was still in fresno and didn't get to ease into the yuckiness with me, or if it's because he's a guy and can't empathize (obviously, he can't do that, but you know what i mean).  but he's definitely getting super tired of me not caring about the state of our house, which still has lots of work to be done.  and i don't care about any of it.  you should see our bedroom.  all of his clothes are still in boxes, mine are all put away, but only because my mother did it, our mattress is on the floor because our bed isn't here yet, etcera, etcera, etcera...  and now i have to go to work, which i've been doing full time for the past 4 weeks and for all of you who know, i'm not really used to- it's kicking my you-know-what!  but hopefully, after this week, i go down to per diem (and we're so well-staffed, they don't need me more than 3 a month!- imagine that:)) and my schedule will hopefully slow down a bit so i can have more energy to help out around here.  oh, and i forgot to mention that i cried today because my big dog ate my little dog's food when i wasn't looking- how awesome is that? :) i apologize for all the negativity, but this is what these are for, right?  i needed to vent.  now i go back to being the sweet, eternally grateful, pregnant w/twins girl who is beyond excited to get to her second trimester!!