just my opinion...

a mother with 2 1/2 year old twin boys shouldn't have to go through infertility treatments again to have more babies.  she shouldn't have to go twice a week for a year to a chinese acupuncturist, get her first natural cycle since she started her period, only to have it stop again once they switched the treatment plan to trying to get pregnant.  she shouldn't have to give herself injections every night for the first two weeks of her cycle, go in 3 or 4 times for labs and an ultrasound to monitor her follicles.  she shouldn't have to subject her husband and sweet boys to her awful mood swings, wondering why she's doing all of this in the first place.  but she does.  because when it's all said and done, all of this is nothing compared to how good those babies are.  in the words of her husband -- there isn't anything i see us doing or going through that isn't worth those boys.  and even though she had a really, really rough day, she knows he's right.

i still have cold feet.

back in march of 2008, i entered the blog world. i blogged about infertility. i had a journal through high school, college, and nursing school, but it kind of stopped when i got married. i don't know why, maybe it was a time thing, maybe i didn't have anything to say. when trying to have a baby became so overwhelming that all of my emotions were running wild and wonky, i decided to give blogging a try. i didn't make it available for anyone else to read except for my husband and best friend, just because i wasn't ready to be so out there. i found that typing was so much faster than writing, and that i could get all that i wanted to say out before i got tired of waiting for my hand to catch up with my brain. it was extremely therapeutic, and i still think it was a huge instrument in being able to let it be, which then enabled me to leave it up to someone else. shoulda done that in the first place! so...

what does this all have to do with cold feet?

well, i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. the reason for the delay of the babies. if you want to hear all about it, you can read my other blog. i have cold feet. which, according to my acupuncturist, means i have low kidney energy (chi, prounounced chee) which is all tied in with my ovaries and uterus. well, once i got pregnant, i said that i was all done with all the problems of infertility, that i wasn't going to go through all of that again. i was basing this on knowing that my dad's mom had had trouble getting pregnant with him, but then none with her following two sons. she probably had PCOS. it just wasn't the hip and trendy diagnosis it is today, it actually wasn't even around... so i was going to be one of those people that tried forever to get pregnant, but then once i got pregnant, my body would get knocked into normalcy and someday, waaayyy down the line, i would be surprised to find myself pregnant. i'm hoping that my body is just taking its own sweet time because, i realized the other day, i still have cold feet.

here's to hoping my ovaries work anyway...